Letting Go

School. I dread the day I have to send my daughter to school. Not her play-school, but real day to day school with exams and all that nonsense. Why? Well, because with school comes all the rest of the package, and the most dreaded peer-pressure and bullies.

I was never a big fan of the school environment. Especially high-school. See, I wasn’t your popular cheerleader material who made heads turn with every swish of my skirt. I was your typical scrawny glasses wearing geekoid complete with braces and a head of mushroom hair. To feel a more sense of belonging, I joined as many clubs and societies as I could. I was Betty and Rachel all in one.

Of course, this didn’t sit in very well with the “macam bagus” group of boys in high-school. Since I was at the stick thin end of the womanly-figure spectrum, this became constant content of their taunts, mocks and name-calling activities. Boys find this hilarious though, a completely hysterical joke from their point of view is to make fun of other people whom they deem not worthy to be in their circle of acceptance.

Although I’d like to believe that I managed to ignore most of the taunts very well, I still remember every single one that was shouted out at me or said behind my back, loud enough for me to hear. Especially from two particular people. One of them even used to loudly say things within his circle of friends about me, right there in the middle of class.

Perhaps he might have forgotten all the things he said, but I remember them all. Why should he remember, it was all a big joke to him after all. It is very unfortunate that lessons from his mother never got to him to respect other people. People like that don’t realize that things they do or say affect people for the rest of their lives. I never felt confident about my appearance for the longest time although I tried my best to put up a positive front. The only people whom made me feel good about myself were my mother and my best friends. Hence why I love my besties to bits and pieces.

Yesterday, one of my best friends told me that she’s seeing him, as in they’re constantly going out together. She used to be involved with this person aeons ago but then he broke it off. Now, she tells me that he’s in her life again. Of course, I flipped.

I had previously told her that I hated this person at every level of hate one could have, and once again I reinforced my feelings. I said it in the bluntest and direct manner I could that I was fine accepting all her previous boyfriends, regardless how they were, but I will simply not put up with this person who once made mocking and taunting me a fun activity in his life. Also, that I had seen him hurt her once, I wasn’t going to sit through it again.

I guess my being brutally honest was a bit too much for my best friend. She’s pretty much ignored my texts and phone calls since then (Update : Best friend said she was not ignoring me, but was knocked unconcious by flu medicine, hence delayed replies in messages). I suppose I should have been more sensitive towards her feelings, and maybe I reacted the way I did due to personal vendetta. A little selfish of me perhaps, but I honestly feel that she deserves much better than that and my over-protective instincts just kicked in to full gear. She’s been through so much already that I just couldn’t bear to witness another scenario where she’s being taken for granted.

So I sent her a text message to apologize (since she didn’t pick up my calls) and hopefully, she’ll forgive me for being the annoying buddy that I am. I felt that I was merely looking out for her but I guess there’s only so much one can do or say.

The guy once asked her if she had to choose between him and her friends, what would she do. She told me she said she’d choose her friends of course. But I guess if he brings her the happiness that she’s been longing for, then it’s time for her friends to let go… me especially.


  1. thanks for sharing guys 🙂 but by “letting go” i didnt mean to let go of my friend. heck she's going to be my best friend till the day i die whether she wants to or not, hahahah!

    what i meant was that I've got to let go of this security grasp i have on my friends, and let us move on with our own lives, without really losing touch 🙂

  2. babe, i know what u mean! i hate high schools too and i was bullied throughout the 5 yrs i was there.. and until now, they still calls me nerd-o.. well it didnt bother me much tho, i've suffered much worse than that.
    and ur friend? should let her go, she will realise it one day that it's a mistake. Most likely what would happen is that she'll try to prove u're wrong about the guy, but most likely would happen, he'll leave her eventually. how would i know?
    i've gone through it once with one of my dearest friends, 16 yrs of friendship goes down to the drain just because of one idiot guy. but hey, i get to realize that she's not a loyal friend after all. It hurts for few yrs, eventually i got over it. Don't take it too hard on yourself. besides, you have the bestest friend in the whole wide world as ur husband.

  3. I remembered the old school days. I hated my friend bullying me. When we meet in facebook, he didn't even remember he bullied me..Just let it go those feeling..

  4. I understand what you mean – about school, peer pressure and all that. I used to get called “Blackie” or “Black ghost” throughout my school life because I'm dark. You try not to take it seriously – you think you're fine with it, but decades later, whenever people say something like “wow that looks good with your skin tone” in a complimentary manner – and you get this strange feeling, because your “skin tone” was mocked and insulted so much throughout your childhood. I cringe whenever people mention my skin tone..even if it is not an insult. I guess old habits die hard.

    About your friend… I guess we have to let people make their decisions (or mistakes).. and the only thing we can do is be there for them. I kind of “let go” of a friend who was in an acidic relationship – couldn't sit and watch her get treated like that. We're not friends anymore because I cannot understand how a successful, beautiful, highly educated woman can let a guy treat her like she's worth nothing. I do wish her well though, and I definitely miss her friendship.

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