Yesterday I was chatting with the fiance, and we were talking about our friend’s (pumpkin) new little online shop. I was animatedly telling him how cool it is that she’s started the new venture and how exciting it must be to do something that she has passion for. You see, pumpkin’s this really pretty lady with a great flair for fashion. At the moment, bib necklaces seem to be her craze (think big, chunky, drapey necklaces). Anyway, the fiance said that pumpkin’s boyfriend is really proud of her efforts and he’s happily spreading the word around about his girlfriend’s online shop. Sweet isn’t it?
Somehow, the conversation turned to me, and the fiance rambled on about how I used to want to start my own thing. From owning a shop that sells clothes and having an online kebaya boutique, to having my own kindergarten, to opening a pet shop etc. Honestly, what he said sent a little pin straight to the heart. It wasn’t his intention of bursting my happy bubbles with the subject matter. It was just part of the conversation and I am well aware of that.
True, I used to dream about those sort of things A LOT. I still do. I want to have my own little thing where I can decide on what I do, where I do it, and when I do it. Unfortunately, I can’t. Why? Because situation does not allow it.
I can’t just up and leave a steady job, because it’s what my mother would frown upon. I can’t do it on part time basis either due to lack of sources. Perhaps they’re just excuses, but to take the risk and live the dream is something that is easier said than done.
Thinking about it, there’s just so many things that I wish I can have but I can’t. So I guess it’s a bit unfair to say “didn’t you use to want…?” because I still do, but I can’t.
At the moment, I’m happy being where I am and doing what I’m doing.
I have a job that’s a lot of fun and still allows me time to go home and spend time with my family even if it’s not some glamourous job that’s listed as top ten jobs to hook in some upper-crust magazine.
I have a family that loves me and I love them with all my heart and soul even it is only the four of us.
I have friends whom I can depend on no matter what shitty situation I find myself in even if we don’t see each other every week.
I’m getting married to the person I love even if it means having to adapt to a whole new set of extended family with a different lifestyle that I am completely alien to.
I have the most adorable pet cats that I absolutely adore and spoil even if it means spending a little bit more than I should on their food and vet expenses.
Right now, those are the things that mean most to me, and to take any of those away from me would be a very very mean thing to do. They’re what keeps me sane and happy. So not being able to realize my dreams for now isn’t so bad. Perhaps some day…