when nothing seems right..

All my life, I’ve always been a laid back sort of person. Whenever people were crazily studying, I attempted to “look” as hardworking..but truth was I could hardly concentrate for more than an hour on books. I’ve always liked studying at my own time, at my own pace. That way, I could absorb more when I actaully feel like it.
Then there were activities. How I love all the school activities!! Sports and clubs and associations. They were my ultimate happy times in school. And between achieving ok results and having the time of my life with side activities..I was a very happy kid..pleased with what she has achieved.

It never bothered me that someone else was getting better grades. Or someone else was getting more awards. Or that someone else was chosen to the state finals. I was just happy that I tried my best and achieved what I did, and simple awed the fact that those other individuals managed to get what they did.

This carried on..all the way to university…I continued to be that sort of person..and happily graduated with not-so-bad grades. Then I got a job…it wasn’t at a super huge company…it wasnt so international or anything like that… it was a school. But I was happy…and I was good at what I did… and I looked highly upon my boss. Other than the fact that I had a crazy tempremental senior who had emotional outbursts every now and then..I was doing great.

So why was it that people looked down upon it so much? Why did my mother have to sneer at the things that I do there, or look at it as if it’s not even a real job? Why did friends make jokes about the place that I work. Why do I hear stuff like “it’s just a school after all” or “alaa, dah kata kerja kat sekolah”. I took it all in stride at first. Laughed it off just like any other day…but when you hear it almost every other day continuously for a year, it finally gets to you… so i left…part of the reason being my psycho senior was causing much grief to my life (hasad dengki dalam manusia..humph) and also because i thought..fine.. since everyone’s saying that this isnt a proper job..i’ll go get a proper job.

So now, I’m at this top company of it’s line..doing work day in and out…working till up to 3 o’clock in the morning…being pressured to excel like mad simply because they saw that I had the potential…pushed to my limit till I simply broke down….. so is everyone happy now..? I have a REAL job.. whatever that means. I’m working with a BIG company. I’m working on LARGE accounts. I’m working LATE nights. I’m dealing with HUGE clients. Is everyone happy? Any new comments??

I’ve grown thinner than I’ve ever been. I look like crap. I earn shit pay. I hate what I’m doing. BUT it IS a REAL JOB after all, RIGHT? So now i’m miserable and unhappy and stressed and depressed and emotionally unstable. But I’ve got the REAL job that everyone keeps telling me to get. And now when they see me physically and mentally exhausted by all this what do they say?? “Kenapa berhenti tempat dulu?”


But you know what…I didn’t know why I bothered about what others thought of my job… I should have just ignored them completely. Why did I let other people burst my happy bubble? Maybe the reason why it hurt me most was those who gave the comments were the ones who really mattered to me.


Why can’t I do what makes me happy…? Now that people see me on the verge of mental breakdown (also because I can’t stop babbling about it)…they tell me to look for another job. Great. That’s what I plan to do anyway. Now they’re saying it doesnt matter what the work is as long as I’m happy. Uhuh. Right.

What makes me happy doesnt make them happy. It’s not a REAL JOB.

So what are they saying exactly?

I wonder.

Either way…is everyone happy now?

I’ll stop now. I’m not making any sense.


i think i’ve about maxed out the listening capabilities of my best friends and boyfriend…. i’ve ben whining about work ever since my third month working at the craziest media agency… aarrgghh… i’m thinking of quitting my job.

for the past one week, every single day when i wake up, i have this dreaded feeling hanging around me… and once i’m ready for work, i burst into tears. So i’m thinking…this can’t be healthy for me… but is it ok for me to resign?

On one side..i’m thinking… i’ve only worked there for three months…would it be too early for me to decide..? maybe things will get better?

On the other hand…i wake up everyday feeling crappy..i’ve lost 4kgs in 3 months and believe me..THAT’S NOT GOOD. i’m already stick thin as it is. i can’t concentrate on anything becoz i feel upse almost 24 hours a day. I dont think i talk about anything else but work. oh dear god.

I dont think i can do this anymore….

But will i look like a failure if i leave…..?


Of Wedding Presents & “Hantaran”

Ok, I seriously think it’s wedding season again, front left right centre everyone’s getting married. Apesal?? apesaaalll??? I’ve been attending weddings 2 weeks in a row now, next month, my tennis partner in school is getting married and some time later this year, a friend of mine whom i’ve known since the day i was born is getting married (about time la Abang Long oii) and then sometime in December, my cousin’s getting married. Waahhh…gila lah…sumeorang nak kawin!!

So here’s a thought, what do you usually get people for their wedding? Mesti korang cakap photo frame, kan? kan? Or kalau tak pun blender/juicer/coffee maker, ahahahhaha…typical wedding gifts LOL. Pastu tak cukup macam tu, kalau datang satu group of 5 orang kekawan, bawak present satu photo frame kecik share 5 orang, hampeh. Kenapa orang takleh kasi barang best best? OK la…right now some of you would go “aku takde duit la woi”…hehehe…rilek rilek..

Ok here’s a list of stuff that I think would be great to get as a wedding present, be it from the guests who come untuk memenuhkan perut masing-masing, or for those yang termasuk antara mereka yang nak kawin tahun nih, as part of the hantaran (kengkawan please take note, this is my wish list, terima kasih)

Serious best gila kalau dapat nih!! Idea came from a friend of mine the other day. Maid sepatutnya dijadikan satu hantaran yang wajib! Bukan la nak suruh taruk bibik sorang kat atas dulang pastu susun bunga hiasan keliling dia, tapi taruk la gambar dia, ha pastu skalu ngan passport, lesen, dan lain lain dokumen yang diperlukan kat atas dulang hantaran tu..haaaa…pastu hias la lawa-lawa…sumpah this would be one of the best hantaran ever for your future wife.

Tak..not asking any of the guests to become the wedding planner..tapi korang hadiahkan la wedding planner yang professional satu kat pasangan pengantin tu..haa..kira early wedding present..kalau satu office chip in bayor sorang 50 ringgit..haaa..tu dah bleh cover separuh of the wedding planner fees (kot la..not very sure about how much these people earn). Kan ke best tu?

Mesti ada yang cakap “alang-alang baik mintak peti ais je terus”. No thank you..why? Coz peti ais tu nak simpan barang-barang memasak..i don’t cook. Not that i can’t, I can if i make the effort..hahahah..but i’d rather use the microwave.. *teet*teet*teet* tunggu 12 minit, dah siap!!!! Memanaskan hidangan makan malam yang dibungkus dari kedai NorLili’s Corner.. sedap dan bahagia..pelbagai lauk ada tersedia..kan senang? DOn’t know what all the fuss is about having your wife to cook at home all the time. Nanti kalau tak sedap dah laki tak lalu makan pulak, pastu kalau lauk sama cam siang tadi pun kecoh jugak..ingat your wife has nothing better to do ke? Pastu dah makan bukan reti tolong kemas. Therefore..silalah hadiahkan microwave wahai kengkawan yang budiman.. Unless you plan to give a maid/tukang masak package, that’s even better. Another reason i’m mentioning this is because my boyfriend’s mom does not believe in microwaves..mati la aku..mati la aku..tolong la korang woii..

I mean, HOLIDAY, not honeymoon tau, h-o-l-i-d-a-y. Sebab ape? Weell..ladies and gentlemen..based on the experience of helping to organize my cousin’s DIY wedding 2 tahun yang lepas..PENAT GILER BOBBY OK!! SO you can just imagine la..kalau tak penat secara fizikal sebab berlari sana sini buat itu ini..penat sebab berfikir (planning nih planning!) So after the wedding, memang la amat memerlukan a sleeping holiday di mana sehari semalam membuta sahaja (Dillot aku yakin ko agree)
Suggestions is to give this as part of the hantaran lah..sebab nanti kekawan tak agree pulak kan “why the heck should i give YOU a holiday when i need one myself??” Therefore..jadikanla hantaran..gulung la tiket kapal terbang ataupun hotel voucher tu lawa-lawa..ikat reben..pastu taruk atas dulang gak..paling best kalau susun dulang tu sebelah dulang ada gambor maid tadi

Now this is something we just have to learn form the chinese. See when they have weddings, they usually hold it at restaurants or hotels. Guests who attend give angpows containing an amount which they think the bride/groom are spending on the food per person. Therefore at the end of the night, it’s a win-win situation for all, people who come get good food and see a beautiful wedding, the bride and groom are sapred a little relief in the wedding expenditure. So, mengikut kata my boss, Orang Melayu ni berangan la nak buat kat hotel jugak..but they havent really grasped the concept. Buat kat hotel/dewan/serve food di rumah..tapi jarang la pulak orang kasi angpau..So if you seriously don’t know what to buy for the couple..bagi la angpauuuu…sure diorang lagi bahagia ke anak cucu.

Ok, this is definitely a must, you know why? The other day GA was on sale..and almost everything was crazily cheap..perfumes and the whole make-up shebang. BUUUTTT…becoz i was seriously broke (new job, less pay, no money)therefore i didnt get anything even though stuff were seriously..and i mean SERIOUSLY cheap..maka kempunan lah daku di sini. Jadi kan… if you’re planning to get a hantaran for your future wife..forget perfumes lah.. women never go without perfume (or in Dillot’s case..she doesn’t wear perfume).. so they probably have more than 3 bottles of different types already..jadi asal nak kasi perfume lagi?? Get creative people!!! Get her a make up set laaa… women can never have too much make-up in their collection, there’s always a new shade out there that we are willing to add on to the dressing table.. so go get some Giorgio Armani or Bobbi Brown or Shu Eumura or even MAC and any make up along the lines of that. Tapi toksah la gi longgok make-up Maybelline atas dulang tu ok? Yang tu dia bleh beli sendiri :p

You ever notice how the cakes given as part of the hantaran is always more HARD icing than cake? Kalau nak bagi cake..bagi la yang orang bleh makaaann..harapkan lawo je buat ape..pastu bila dah habis wedding takde sape makan sebab kek kat dalam tu tak sedap sebenarnye..pastu the hard icing je yang banyak.

This is in place of chocolates yang kat atas dulang hantaran tuh. I mean, myself, i’m fine with receiving chocolates, chocolates are simply heavenly..but think about it..do the bride or groom even GET to eat the chocolates? By the time they say thank you and byebye to all the guests, the whole barrage of kids (cousins nieces nephews) would have helped themselves to all the chocolates anyway, so you can forget about satisfying your sweet tooth. Jadi kasiklah kurma. Kids aren’t very fond of it, plus it’s healthier too. Suggestion..spend a bit on Bateel’s dates. Simply delicious, plus they can pack it in nice boxes for you so u don’t have to worry about decoration.

OK, i’m out of ideas, but i think the above mentioned make AWESOME wedding gifts..hahahaha…ok la..mahal sikit but hey, everyone has their own wish list right? To those out there who are married and are lucky enough to get one of the mentioned as part of their gifts..LUCKY YOU!! Haahahahhah