Me, not so great I’m afraid. The past couple of weeks haven’t exactly been a joy-ride to the seaside, if you know what I mean.
About a week ago I was pretty much a freakin’ zombie as the tiny princess decided that night-time was playtime. So she pretty much slept all day (while I was at work) and stayed up most of the night (while I was trying to catch some sleep). Wasn’t all fun I must say, but at least she wasn’t up crying, so that gave me a little bit of comfort somehow.
Then someone questioned my role as a wife, pointing out that I haven’t exactly been fulfilling my wifey duties. That conversation cut through me like a samurai sword. There I was trying to cope with no sleep, just starting work while at the same time juggle with the baby and some house chores and also try my best at keeping the husband happy when obviously it wasn’t enough. Following on since then, though all has been forgiven, I still feel the hurt at having fingers pointed at me in such a way.
On top of that, there’s work. This is my third week at work and for the first time in two years of being here, I am unhappy. It’s not that I’m miserable missing my baby who’s left at home in the arms of others (that goes without saying), but it’s the fact that my work for the whole year has pretty much been rubbished aside. I can’t believe they’re comparing my performance this year with that of mine the year before. For God’s sake I wasn’t pregnant then was I? I didn’t have to deal with morning sickness, constant fatigue; bouts threatened abortion and still do my work the year before. Just because I didn’t do “in your face” work like other people, I’m seen as “not contributing”? Certain other issues which I simply did not agree on were also brought up and I am just simply appalled by the whole thing that I didn’t even sign my appraisal form. Why should I, it says “agreed ratings” and I don’t agree to them. So it sucks. Big time. When I started work I was simply excited to be back in the field. Now I’m just bloody demotivated. I just want to quit and open a blog shop or something like that. Unfortunately I can’t afford that, so hurrah to sticking it out and just slaving away to the work place.
To add more salt to the open wound, I lost my hand phone and yes, it was due to my own carelessness. I was at the Toys r Us baby room, changing the baby’s outfit as she had just puked all over it and was giving me cheeky smiles through it. Then I thought she was hungry, so I sat on the sofa and was about to feed her when my mobile was jutting through my jeans, making it uncomfortable for the baby. So I took it out, placed it next to me and after an attempt to feed (which the baby then decided that she wasn’t hungry after all) I got up, quickly packed her diaper bag and forgot all about my phone.
Some 20 minutes later, we were out of the shop when I realized that I didn’t have my phone with me. I walked real fast back to the baby room but it wasn’t there anymore. I tried to keep calm and asked the staff who were around but they obviously had no idea. That was it. My phone was gone. As if I wasn’t feeling like shit already, I was yelled at for being “so careless”, further emphasizing my stupidity. Great.
So that just broke my spirit some more. All my baby’s pictures and important contact details were in there and now they’re gone. Curses to the person who stole my phone.
Then there’s the issue of my car which has not arrived. I ordered a new car and sold off my old one so at the moment I am without a vehicle. So far I am rather lucky to be able to get rides from friends and family so that’s not much of a problem but I can only rely on people for so long right?
I just hope things will pick up soon. Walking around with a rain cloud above my head is so not my cup of tea.