Yes. I am miserable. I miss going out. I haven’t had a fun mall-hopping-happy-shopping experience in months. Every time I plan to go out, it’d be spoiled by my bouts of morning sickness and nausea. Yeah sure, online shopping’s fun, but everything starts to look the same after awhile. Those people probably end up going to the same suppliers. I need at least another pair of “suitable” pants for work desperately, I can’t keep showing up in the only pair of maternity pants I have. At times I just feel like maybe I’ll just brave it, just drive to the mall and leave it to chance that my nausea might not come. Then I remember that with the whole nausea comes the migraines, and well, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that driving with a migraine isn’t exactly a bright idea.
I miss going out with my friends, I just want to be around some company (and I don’t mean the office), to be having a little bit of girly fun. Unfortunately my situation is rather unpredictable and I’d hate to suddenly spoil the scene with my pale-faced-I-have-to-hurl episodes. Believe me, I won’t be great company then. So then my mood turns and I feel like I don’t want to see anyone. Especially when I look like crap right now (yeah, because I currently look like I haven’t brushed my hair in ages).
I was supposed to spend my day with my best friend, but that didn’t happen. Why? Go figure.
To make things worse, the husband’s not around. Heck, I barely get to see him this month as he’s jetting off somewhere every week for work. He’s back only for a day or two before he takes off again and it just sucks. That’s because even when he’s back, I don’t have the energy to be my cheerful self and I feel like I’m such a bore and a let down. He’s away again this week, and today has been sending me pictures of his activities, feeding eagles, crossing high bridges, swimming, enjoying lavish hotel facilities, eating awesome food. Yes, he’s at work, but he manages to squeeze in having fun while he’s at it.
Don’t get me wrong, I find it great that he gets to enjoy work, the little perks that make up for all the other stress that he has to face on the job. I can’t help but feel bitter and jealous that I’m stuck at home feeling sick and miserable though. I blame it on the hormones.
I miss going on holidays. I miss traveling, I travelled a lot for work last year, and had great fun at it too. Guess everything’s all different this year. I know some of you out there are just itching to say “it’s going to be even more challenging when your baby comes, you’ll barely have any time for yourself” well blablabla, please restrain yourself from leaving such comments. I know that, I just need to vent out my frustrations I’m feeling at the moment.
I feel sad. I feel lonely. People keep telling me that I should keep up a happy attitude, that feeling sad is not good for the baby. Try having hormones that mess you up, see if you can use that as a catalyst on being happy.
I guess I’m not alone, I have Dot here with me. Dot and I will just go to bed by ourselves and I’ll wake up to pee every 2 hours or so and have a bout of hunger pangs around 4am and make myself something to eat, alone.
I’ll feel better in the morning. I know I will.